A Stopover in the Gong

Welcome back, dear reader, to the corner of the Internet where I visit exotic locations and talk about all the weird shit I see. When I last left you, I was in Japan, marvelling at their bathroom innovations, picking octopus out of my vegetarian salad rolls, and exposing my genitals at traditional hot springs.

They say that all good things come to an end but I say that’s bullshit. All good things can just be postponed for a little while before you come back to them later. Think of it like my mother snoring in front of the TV - just because she’s dozed off doesn’t mean she’s finished watching Young and the Restless re-runs and I can have the remote. So after Japan, I postponed my world-tour and came home to Wollongong for a brief intermission.

My extended stopover in Wollongong offered up a variety of delights, including a wedding, a few birthday parties (one ending in police intervention), a Heffernan invasion on a cruise ship, multiple viewings of Frozen, and a 30 day food cleanse that only lasted 30 hours. Stay classy Wollongong, I love you.

And now I’m off again. First I’m heading to Spain, where I will be doing a 4 week Spanish language course in Madrid. Then I’ll be revisiting the Netherlands and London, hitting up Scotland for the Commonwealth Games (competing in diving and equestrian), sailing around Greece, and ending the European leg with Turkey… a turkey leg, if you will. Then I’m going to swing through the US and take a bite out of the Big Apple before ending things with a bit of Californication.  

The number one question people have been asking me is how the hell I can afford to do this. The short answer is: illegal activities. The long answer is: I can’t tell you over the Internet or I will be incriminating myself in illegal activities.

Now, with that policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ in place, I bid you adios.

But first, let me take a pre-departure selfie.