Happy New Year From Hanoi

No, I'm not confused about the date, I have actually been celebrating Tet -  the Vietnamese New Year based around the Chinese lunar calendar. It has been great travelling through Vietnam during Tet as the whole country has been decked out in flowers, lanterns and balloons - making pretty places even prettier. As an added bonus, the party atmosphere has also intensified.

We visited the ancient capital of Hué and took in the historic sights of the city via cyclo. Cyclos are three wheeled bicycle taxis where poor locals pedal your fat arse around town - they are great! However, the drivers did harass us for tips even though our tour manager had pre-tipped them on our behalf. My guy kept saying "tip, tip, tip," so I gave him a high-five and wished him a Happy New Year - I'm a nice person. 

Ali was loving the cyclo ride

We stopped at the Forbidden City where the Emperor and his 100 wives all lived together in seclusion. As Grimmy whispered to me during the tour, "Imagine all those girls getting their period at the same time..."A scary thought indeed. I'm ashamed to say that the best part of the tour of the Forbidden City was the opportunity for model shots with ancient architecture. I'm worried that Instagram has spoiled my love of history #toovainforculture 

This door actually stained my shirt red

While Hué is no longer the ancient capital of Vietnam, it does have a strong case for being the party capital of Vietnam. Not really, but we did get really drunk there. We went to a place called DMZ that was a restaurant upstairs and a bar downstairs. I remember there being shots, cocktails, buckets, and beer. Strangely, I can't remember much about the actual meal I ate. The bar was great. There were markers so you could write on the walls and on each other, there were tables to dance on, and there was a pool table to pose on. We did all those things and my camera documented everything. Not many of the photos are fit for public consumption, however, but here's a taste:

FYI, my thigh says, 'Team Canada Sluuuuuuut'

Bars in Vietnam let you get away with a lot. However, it is a communist country and most bars obey a curfew. Usually at about midnight all but the seediest bar in town close. And I'm talking seedy. All the drunk and obnoxious Westerners pile into the same club run by bad communists who just don't care anymore. These post-curfew places can be fun but they are also dodge as hell.

Speaking of communists, some of the hotels we stayed in had banned Facebook. We would get the notifications but not be able to load them. For those of us in the wifi generation, it was heartbreaking and stressful. If we visit a temple but can't share the photo on Facebook, did it really happen? It's moments like these that make me wish the American troops stayed in Nam for just a little bit longer...

But for reals, the place is actually so commie. In Hanoi, a group of us visited the Mausoleum of Ho Chi Minh and saw his preserved body. It was quite an experience. You go through higher security scrutiny than an airport and they make you walk in two-by-two so it's easier for them to shoot you if you try anything. You are led into the Mausoleum and you walk around a glass coffin showing his perfectly preserved body. The dude died over 40 years ago at the age of 79 but he looks just as good if not better than a Madame Tussaud's wax figure. I think they probably inject him with botox every few weeks. It was actually really eerie and I swear I saw his finger twitch. Roger has a theory that his glass coffin is actually projecting a hologram. Roger is special. Apparently Uncle Ho wanted to be cremated but now his body is used as the most prominent piece of propaganda in Vietnam. 

Speaking of propaganda, today a few of us visited the Hoa Lo Prison aka 'the Hanoi Hilton', which was used by the French colonialists to hold Vietnamese political prisoners, and later used by the North to hold American POWs such as John McCain. Apparently, the North Vietnamese army treated the American so well that they let them decorate Christmas trees, play chess, and enjoy superb healthcare in comfortable cells. I hate to call bullshit, but I'm pretty sure they were also tortured and interrogated. 

But back to the New Year celebrations! We celebrated Tet on a junkboat in Halong Bay with a pirate party. Halong Bay is actually the most incredibly beautiful place. I think this was my favourite Vietnam destination. We had lunch on the boat looking out on the 1,600 limestone islands and I couldn't stop taking arty panorama shots. 

So pretty it hurts

We explored some enormous caves and were highly amused by the stalactite shaped like a penis. We also hiked to the top of one of the islands to appreciate the view and watch the sunset. It was so romantic, Emma and I couldn't resist taking some 'couple photos' despite the fact that there is absolutely zero attraction between us.  No offence, Emma.

We would make beautiful babies though

The pirate party that night was a lot of fun. I dressed in my new traditional Vietnamese kimono, because of course I did. We all had fun dancing together, playing games, and assassinating monkey-shaped pool toys. Once it hit midnight, the crew joined the party and gave us free beer and treats because Tet is a really generous holiday. Curfew be damned, the crew loved having a little dance with us to herald in the Year of the Horse.  Then they wanted to go to bed but we were all, "one more song, one more song" for another five or so songs. Then they had to wake up early and cook us breakfast, so it wasn't really the best new year celebrations for them... but it was a great experience for us!

So that's Vietnam done. We started in the South and made our way to the North, experiencing the depth of what this beautiful country has to offer. We played with snakes, kayaked, cooked Vietnamese food, rode bikes, snorkelled, and danced. We also covered the breadth of Vietnamese history; from Chinese merchants to Japanese bridges to French colonialism to American war. Vietnam is awesome and I loved experiencing it with a great bunch of people. Cool beans.