From Nha Trang to Hoi An: Mud Baths, My Son Temples, and More Bloody Russians

After almost getting hit by mopeds approximately one million times, we left the craziness of Ho Chi Minh City for the sexy coastal town of Nha Trang. Yeah, I called it sexy. Nha Trang is so sexy that it hosted the 2008 Miss Universe Pageant (I didn’t make top ten that year but did ace the swimsuit section).

The only thing that wasn’t sexy about Nah Trang was the sight of our group frolicking in some mud baths at the Thap Ba Hot Springs. I had so much fun splashing about and making whirlpools in that tub of brown sludge. Apparently the minerals in the mud do wonders for your skin but it doesn't feel as nice when you're finding mud in your ears the next day. Regardless, my skin does feel a little bit more sensual and I'm glowing like a pregnant octomom. (I actually found the whole experience a little too sensual, if you know what I mean...)

After coming to terms with my emergent mud fetish, we went for dinner overlooking one of the most beautiful bays in the world and watched some fire-twirling on the beach. I think we all got sufficiently buzzed from cocktail jam-jars and we left the beach wearing each other's shoes as we walked to a backpacker bar called 'Why Not?' I can think of one very good reason 'why not' - aggressive Russians. 

Nathan vs. Russian Tourists, Round Two

This Russian guy was hitting on a few of the girls and they were just trying to blow him off when he grabbed our tour-manager’s wrist. This got me antsy so I went up to him and tried to distract him with my boyish charm asking him if he was having a good night. I thought changing the subject would help but then he told me he wanted to punch me in the eyes. I think I was wearing my glasses at the time so I didn't want him to do that or I would end up with facial scars like Seal. Luckily he walked away soon after and I didn’t have to go all macho and throw some punches – I totally could have taken him though, I’ve been eating lots of tofu here so I’m all proteined up. Lol jks he would have destroyed me. At least I didn't get molested this time. 

We ended the night getting a ride back to the hotel on the back of a couple of mopeds with the drivers trying to sell us marijuana. Nah Trang may be sexy but evidently it can also be a little bit trampy. 

The next day, however, was so much fun. We went out on the water for a full day of snorkeling, sun-baking and water-sports. To give you an indication of our mood, the beers and table dancing started at 10am. This was our first stop:

No filter  Totally filtered 

There was some karaoke, a swim-up bar, topless jumping off the roof of the boat… It was just like the third-class passenger party in Titanic. Then it was time for some watersports. Vanessa and I hired a jet ski for 15 minutes and paid a little bit extra for one with a more powerful motor, which probably wasn’t a great idea since we were technically drunk driving. We nearly flipped over at one point and Vanessa fell in the water. However, that wasn’t as embarrassing as two of the girls face-planting on to the jetty during an unsuccessful parasailing takeoff. It was caught on film and the footage has been the gift that keeps on giving.

The next day we flew to Hoi An for the most cultured Australia Day I have ever experienced. Hoi An is super old and super quaint. We went on a bike tour to fully explore this UNESCO World Heritage site and we also released flaming lanterns on to the river for good luck. It looked incredible. But that’s nothing compared to how excited I was to be able to do some very necessary laundry. Sharing time: I hadn’t washed my clothes properly since landing in Phuket two weeks ago. The sniff test had become a morning ritual. I am now writing this blog in fresh underwear and my privates have never felt so comfortable.

The next day we went to the My Son Temples where we got to have a history lesson and a photo shoot. I took so many inappropriate photos. For example, you can’t go past a phallic statue like this and not get a cheeky photo, right?

Please don't judge me 

I also thought it would be fun to get a photo of me riding an ancient statue of a cow, just as a nearby tour guide pointed to it to explain the importance of this sacred creature to Hindu people. Hey, I’m a vegetarian, I feel like I should be allowed to desecrate a cow statue from time to time. But we did get some nice pics together...

Cute little temple photo

Back-to-back photos always look fierce as hell

And now a silly one

We are off to Hue tomorrow morning. The Lunar New Year is approaching so the atmosphere over here is starting to get really vibrant. Another New Years celebration so soon? This is going to be heckers.