Tuesday 14 January 2014

A Day At Patong Beach: No Sharks, Just Cougars

I actually had a good night's sleep last night despite the loud music coming from the gay bar across the street. So I woke up refreshed, excited, and with 'It's Raining Men' stuck in my head from osmosis.

I decided to walk around town to get my bearings. This is harder than I thought because I realised I have a fear of crossing the streets here. Seriously, I stood at the side of the road for about 10 minutes before I deemed it safe enough to cross. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can't trust someone who rides a moped.

The footpaths are another danger themselves. I narrowly avoided being zapped by an exposed wire dangling from the power lines. This is what the footpath on Bangla Rd looked like:


I'm pretty sure Phuket is trying to Final Destination me.

To celebrate being alive, I grabbed some breakfast at a place with free wifi - which is how I will determine where to eat all of my meals. I then decided to hit up the beach. It was so nice. I hired a beach chair and an umbrella and a Thai guy brought me beers when requested. Yeah, beers. I'm so masc.

This is how nice the beach was:


And this was me in the beach:


There was only one small snag with my beach day... I was groped. 

I was just in the water, floating about, soaking up the vibes, when this old guy swam past and brushed my leg. He said "sorry" in some northern-European accent which made me think it was an accident but then he groped my thigh again. This was one of those 'Please be a shark, please be a shark' moments. He then grabbed my hand and tried to put it on his junk. I snapped my hand back and swam off, quite disturbed yet a little bit flattered. 

This is what is wrong with Thailand tourism: people think they can do whatever the hell they want. The whole sex industry here is gross and it makes people - especially old, white guys - think that they own the place. I've avoided most of Thailand's renowned seediness so far but I suspect I will see a bit more of that side of Thai tourism tonight. I also think that tomorrow I might use the pool instead. 



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