Arriving in Phuket or: How Did I Get Myself Into This Mess?

After a whole day of fighting over tiny armrests, kicking the seat in front of me, and disregarding the seatbelt sign, I have finally landed in Phuket. Flying is easy, getting from the airport was more interesting.

I decided to take a shared minibus to my hotel (and the hotels of 6 other people) as that only cost 180baht whereas a taxi would set me back around 800baht. We all know a dollar makes me holla so I wedged myself into that minibus and made with the small talk.

Of course, this was one of those deals where the driver conveniently pulls over for a break right in front of his friend's travel agency. We were all told to hop out of the bus to discuss tour options and hotel deals. I had already heard about this scam so I was prepared, but when I told them my hotel they had never heard of it. Red Flag #1.

Luckily, I had some directions to the hotel from a more popular, bigger, fancier hotel. So the driver dropped me off there and I had to go find my little hotel. I'm staying in the middle of Patong, which I think is Phuket's party central. Only one ladyboy caressed my arm as I walked the streets looking for my hotel. Red Flag #2. I was also offered the opportunity to see a 'sexy shoe'... I don't know what that is, like a Manolo Blahnik?

So my hotel is above a bakery/ice creamery and opposite about 5 gay bars. Red Flag #3. Sounds too good to be true right? Yeah, well sound carries and some queens can be just too loud. This is the loudest room I have ever been in. It feels like Ryan Murphy is having a cocaine fuelled piano party right on top of me. It's surprisingly hard to fall asleep when 'Work Bitch' is being pumped through your bedroom window. Not only that, but the bed is harder than algebra and I'm definitely wearing thongs in the shower.

Anyway, it's not all that bad. The place is a dive. But it could be worse. Right now I'm sitting in the lobby watching the biggest diva drag off I have ever seen across the street. Who knew a Liza Minnelli / Katy Perry / Helen Reddy mash up would be so satisfying? But now I'm over it, shut up queens! I need some sleep!