I'm not ashamed to say that I'm afraid of snakes. This isn't a phobia, this is a very rational fear. Snakes are sneaky. They are cunning, evil, and untrustworthy. Plus they're icky. However, it seems that the Vietnamese love snakes. They even use them in their cooking and have them as pets. Pets! When I was in Bangkok I was paranoid about stumbling upon a protest and having a grenade thrown at me, in Ho Chi Minh City I'm terrified that someone's pet snake is going to slither out of the shadows and kill me.
We spent the first full day of our tour through Vietnam cruising down the Mekong Delta to visit a rural Vietnamese village. On our way there, we stopped by a local candy factory that made some really nice snack food from coconut and rice. I was walking about the factory, minding my own business, when I noticed a snake in a cage and I jumped in terror and let out a very manly yelp. What a great way to make a first impression on my tour-mates.
I recovered from the fright with a soothing boat ride to our home-stay, featuring a very attractive conical hat and fresh coconut:
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| Could I BE anymore Vietnamese? |
We were then given the opportunity to try some 'snake wine.' This is basically a very strong wine that they store in a jar with a snake carcass, just like how tequila bottles sometimes have a scorpion in them. Apparently snakes have two penises so drinking snake wine will help men become more virile. As I never say no to more virility, I decided to harden up and have a shot of snake wine. It probably tasted just as bad as any other shot but because I knew it had snake juices in it I found it disgusting. But as I said before, I liked the idea of having some extra testosterone in my system so I did a second shot. Please note, however, that I do not feel more manly.
There I was, all proud of myself for drinking snake wine and conquering my fears when nek minnit we arrive at the home-stay and are greeted by their giant pet snake. Apparently it's name was Neville but I liked to call it, 'Omg it's disgusting, get it away from me.' It was impossibly long and weighed 40kg. I was more than happy to keep my distance from Neville but another girl who was terrified of snakes convinced me to face our fears together. My face pretty much says it all:
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| Definitely not a Slytherin |
I guess I'm happy I did it but I really just want to repress the memory. Speaking of memory loss, after dinner we drank some very potent jungle juice and played an epic game of King's Cup. Apparently we went through 10 bottles of vodka between 20 people. That should help explain the bruises on my arm from trying to pole-dance with a tree. At least it distracted me from having stress dreams about Neville sneaking into my bed to size me up and eat me.
The next day, we visited the Cu Chi Tunnels, which were the series of tunnels dug by the Viet Cong to aid their guerrilla attacks against the Americans. It was so interesting seeing the series of tunnels and the examples of booby-traps they set for their opponents. We got to crawl through some of the tunnels, although they had been widened and expanded for the more rotund Western tourists. I may still be carrying some extra Christmas kilos but I didn't get stuck like Augustus Gloomp so I'm happy about that.
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| I have a lot of photos of Roger's ass |
There was also a shooting range at the Cu Chi Tunnels where you are given the opportunity to fire a bunch of assault rifles. I found this to be pretty inappropriate seeing as we were at the location of an actual war-zone where a lot of people died. As a student of peace and conflict I found this to be quite ethically irresponsible. However, I was visiting the place severely hungover so I can't really talk.
I expect that there will be more hangovers, historical sites, bruising, gaudy tourist hats, and snake freak-outs over the next 10 days - and I'm really looking forward to it.
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